


Killer Guilt

by Poochenthecreator (orphan_account)



Series: Secrets Universe [5]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Accidental Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guilt, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, Viper being a little shit, precious tundra, protect tundra at all costs, soft boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Poochenthecreator
Summary: Joe's been pretty happy since Viper came back from his journey to discover himself. But, the alter seems to be hiding something and Joe's guilt over how Shy was killed may be the key to getting Viper to spill the beans.
Series: Secrets Universe [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616542
Comments: 9
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OH. MY. GOD.  
> It feels GOOD to write again. I've been stuck on this stupid story for A LONG ASS TIME.  
> I now have a plot in mind and am gonna try my best to get this going, okay? Updates may be slow af tho.

The sun was bright and Joe’s mood even brighter. He laughed as Tulip danced around nearby with her new wings fluttering happily, Emerald chasing after the separated alter. Nate sat nearby with his inhaler in hand. Poor kid couldn’t play as much as the others due to his asthma.

“Higher!” Tulip cheered Emerald on as she flapped her dull wings wildly, getting some decent air for someone who still held many juvenile feathers. “Go higher!” Emerald lost her balance and hit the ground, laughing.

“Be careful!” Joe called out. This earned Joe the honor of being tackled to the ground by both of the girls, Nate running up and joining in. Everyone laughed and Nate wrestled with Tulip, Emerald climbing all over Joe as she squealed happily.

Tulip laughed and climbed back onto Joe, Nate following. Soon enough, he was wrestling with all three kids and in full blown belly laughter, tears forming in his eyes as the group played. “I am the mighty Joe! I cannot be beat!”

“Get him!!!” Nate called out, playfully smacking Joe’s arm. Tulip clung to Joe’s head while emerald took advantage of his lack of sight to wrestle him onto his stomach, both her and Nate pinning him down.

“I have been defeated!” Joe laughed as the kids climbed off of him, all three panting and Nate taking a few puffs of his inhaler.

“ _The brave and strong Joe has been taken down by mere children!”_

Joe sat up and looked around. That had been Shy’s voice, right? He shook his head and watched Etho walk up to the group. He had managed to stop his limp mostly. It had, after all, been a good two or three years since the attack by the Beasts, though Joe’s still noticeable scars from it made it seem like it was much sooner.

“Dad!” Nate ran over to him and hugged the hermit, laughing; Etho picked him up and swung him around.

“Nice to see you, Nate! It’s getting late so let’s head home. Joe, thanks for watching him today. I had to take care of stuff with Xisuma and Doc.”

“It was my honor, Etho. Children are innocent and sacred beings, still able to be molded and influenced by many different factors. To leave a child alone when I could have watched one would be a mistake on my part and surely have a negative impact upon their very psyche, possibly damaging them in the long term.”

“…Either way, thank you.” Etho laughed and took Nate back towards his home, leaving Tulip and Emerald to wave and well their goodbyes. “Might want to get those two back home. Night time is fast approaching.”

“I will keep that in mind, Etho.” Joe smiled and waved, picking Tulip up and carrying her as Emerald followed him to his base; it was designed after a farm. Joe had wanted a simpler life this time around, though that often wasn’t possible in Hermitcraft. His farm had already been ‘decorated’ with fake pigs made from wool and he now had a lava pond- not that he minded. It kept him warm, if he was entirely honest.

Besides, it also gave off a cozy glow that warmed Joe’s heart; it was a tranquil, lovely glow that showed the bond of friendship he had with the one who had pranked him. He wondered how Jamekia was doing. Well, technically, Michael but the alter was part of a DiD system and often played pranks when fronting. He was, after all, only a teenager.

Joe took out his communicator to send a message to Grian. He should be here but it wouldn’t hurt to check. Grian did often come over to read some of the books Shy had written with Joe and just talk about how life was going or how Emerald was growing.

“Soft Dad!” Emerald stopped by the pigpen Joe had and waved towards them. “I want to pet the pigs!”

“Not right now, sweetie. It’s getting dark and, while I take care of lighting fairly well in and around the area of my base, mobs may still spawn and cause harm to you or Tulip. Perhaps tomorrow we could? It’ll be much safer with the zombies burning and mobs no longer attempting to come inside to eat my brains.” He laughed and began to message his friend.

 **> Joehills: **Grian, may you inform me of your location? Emerald is at my base and has had a day of fun, wrestling, and fulfillment.

 **> Grian: **It’s already almost dark? I’ve been mining! I’ll be over asap to take her home

 **> Joehills: **No need to push yourself. I have Tulip with me and I intend to allow them to play for a little while longer.

 **> PythonGB: **Sorry to interrupt but I’ll be a little late. I’m playing that horse mini game with Cub

 **> PythonGB: **This is Lief, by the way. I know it’s hard to tell over message

Joe chuckled and put away his communicator, sitting with the two girls after setting Tulip down. “Why don’t we read some stories while we wait for your fathers to get here?”

“How long with GG be?” Emerald had taken to calling Grian that fairly recently. Said she was growing up and didn’t need to call him Wing Dad anymore.

“He’ll be over soon. He got caught up in the wonders of mining, finding ores and battling monsters as he searches for the precious diamonds we use as currency.” Tulip tugged on his shirt.

“Can we go mining?”

“…I suppose tomorrow we can. For now, let us rest and relax after such a long day of play and assisting dear old me with my farm animals?” He gently led them towards the living room of his base; it was where he kept his books- the wonderful objects that took him to another world mentally. “What do we wish to read tonight, dears?”

The room was filled with both girls yelling and begging for different books. It took a few minutes, but they were eventually able to settle on a book about a small pig who tried to become brave. It was a bit longer than the other stories, but it’d do.

“Once upon a time, there was a very timid baby pig…”


	2. Chapter 2

_Joe didn’t dream very often. None of the hermits did, in all actuality. But, when he found himself in a landscape of blue mist and half solid ground, he knew that he was in the realm of dreams. But why did this feel so… real? Like he could reach out and touch the land, only to feel its strange texture?_

_“Yo, Mr Healer-man!” Joe turned around to see non other than Shy, who looked vastly different than what he remembered. He looked almost like a- “Yeah, I’m a full on god!” He spoke as if he had read Joe’s mind; Shy twirled around and hugged Joe. “It’s nice to see you again!”_

_“H-how…? You’re dead, Shy!” Joe gently pulled away from his friend. Guilt bubbled up in his stomach and made it churn. “I… I saw you die. I couldn’t help you in time… I could have…”_

_“Hush. I’m dead but still…. Kind of alive? Hard to really tell. But, Joe. My time here with you is short. Viper knows I’m alive-ish and I’ve been talking to him lately. He’s pretty okay with emotions now so go talk to him, okay?” Shy smiled and shrugged, floating up to where he was above Joe._

_“Not much time? B-but. Shy, I want to talk to you. I want to stay with you a little longer!” He grabbed Shy’s hand and tried to pull him back down but his hand just phased through Shy’s. The world began to rush around him and turn black._

Joe shot up in bed, sweating covering his forehead and soaking his shirt. That had been Shy… He had dreamt of Shy! But, why was Viper so important to the deceased god? He looked to the window and saw that it was still night time. “…I need to sleep more…” He muttered to himself.

Despite laying back down and getting comfortable, Joe found that sleep evaded him. He kept thinking about his dream with Shy and what the god had said. Viper knew Shy was alive? Why didn’t he tell anyone? He sighed and slowly sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Might as well do something productive since he couldn’t sleep.

He stood up and got changed, walking outside with some carrots and wheat. A farmer’s life was one with waking early and getting to work, even if one did wake early due to a weird dream about the guy you cared deeply for. He’d have to look for Viper once the sun came up. He hoped the alter was fronting.

\---

“Good morning!” Cub waved to Joe, who adjusted his slightly wrinkled clothing. “Here to see Python? I’m afraid he’s not fronting.” Joe smiled and only shook his head.

“Not at this very moment, unfortunately. I have actually come to talk to Viper, though perhaps he is not fronting either?” He certainly didn’t like the fact that he had to wait for an alter to front if he wished to speak to one but he supposed it was the life of someone who knew one with DiD.

“Actually… We’re not sure who is fronting. They won’t speak.” Oh, that was new. The only ones who went nonverbal sometimes were Birch and Python. Viper rarely did so, making Joe not quite count him in the fact. “Scar and Doc are trying to figure out who it is.”

“Perhaps I could help? I have quite a way with words, though I do not like to brag about such a fact. To brag about one’s natural talents must be done in moderation. It is okay to be proud of one’s talents but one must remember not to be affected by hubris.”

“…Right. Come on in.” Cub turned and let Joe into the base that had been modeled after a massive castle. He shared it with Python and Scar, though all three had smaller bases near projects they often went to. “They’re in their bedroom.”

“Thank you, kind sir.” Joe walked into Python’s bedroom, smiling and waving to Scar and Doc. Python- or rather, the unknown alter- sat in bed with his legs crossed and together and hands on his knees. “I heard someone has gone nonverbal?”

“…” The unknown alter only blinked. This definitely wasn’t someone Joe knew. Did a new alter form?

“Good morning. Might I ask as to your name?” The alter made a few strange hand gestures; a stiff gesture moving up and fanning out, then what seemed like a gesture for rain, then cold. “…I’m afraid I did not quite understand that, my friend. Perhaps we could get someone else to front and tell us your name?”

The alter gasped and nodded, closing his eyes and clearly struggling to concentrate. Doc sighed. “How’d you get them to even do that? They wouldn’t listen to us.”

“Did you ever consider it was a new alter?” Both Scar’s and Doc’s expressions told Joe all that he needed to know. “Sometimes, they form. Perhaps this alter is a Little to replace Tulip, who is now her own person?”

“Uh… We… Didn’t even consider any of that. Joe, you know more about this entire Dissociative Identity Disorder stuff than any of us. You’ve been with Python and the PyCrew longer than any of us too, though I suppose Etho beats you in that area,” Scar mused.

“Are you guys going to keep standing there or is someone going to explain why I’m sitting like a damn child?” Joe turned back to Python. Well, he recognized that manner of speaking to be Viper. “Great, you actually paid me some attention. Glad to know you three aren’t entirely useless.”

Joe fought the urge to roll his eyes. “I actually have a question for you, Viper. I would prefer for it to be in private, if you do not mind.” Viper blinked. Well, as best as someone with only one eye- which was robotic- could. Blinking was simply the eye turning off momentarily.

The expression of the eye often changed to fit the mood so it was easy to tell if the crew was shocked, sad, etc. He nodded and waved to Scar and Doc. “Do you two mind?” Scar sighed and rolled his eyes, pulling Doc away. Despite Scar and Viper being an official thing now- even after they told Cub that they engaged in intercourse- Scar still clearly had his limits with Viper’s sass and attitude.

“Apologies, Viper. I understand that one might not appreciate being asked important questions right as one starts to front. But, I did have a strange dream and I wished to ask you about it.”

“And what might I have to do with your weird ass sleeping mind?” Viper cocked his eyebrow. “It can’t be that important, yo-“

“Shy’s alive and he told me that you knew.” That made Viper freeze and sputter.

“Well, he’s still dead. Just… a ghost. But, why the hell does that matter?! What did the dead dumbass say to you, even?”

“Just to talk to you.” Joe shrugged. Viper sighed in frustration and rolled his eye.

“Well, here’s the thing. Shy’s kind of alive? We can bring him back. But, it comes at a cost.”


	3. Chapter 3

Of course it came with a cost. Everything did have some form of consequences, after all. After talking for a while, Viper and Joe came to conclusion that the cost might be someone else’s life. As much as Joe hated that idea, it made the most sense. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, life for a life. Viper had admitted that he didn’t know much about “this goddamned mess Shy put us in” but it was better than nothing, that much was for sure.

“I just want Shy back, in all honesty, Viper. It may sound stupid-“

“Everything you say sounds weird and/or stupid.” Despite Viper’s tone, the look in his eyes showcased that he was joking. He had his own weird way of joking and many thought he was being rude.

“Yes, this will sound very stupid, but I would give up my life if so needed to bring Shy back. He brought so much life to this place and, with him being a god, he could do so much more than I ever could.” Guilt ate away at Joe and rested in the pit of his stomach. “I am but the server’s local cryptid. Shy will do so much more than I could ever dream of and-“ Viper smacked him.

“Shut the fuck up!” Viper gave a good, hard glare. “None of that bullshit ‘round me, okay? Shy loves you in his own, special way. Then again, everything that dumbass does is some level of special. But, guilt isn’t going to do anything for you, Joe. That’s all I’m saying for now.”

“Wait-“ Joe blinked. “Do you know more?”

“Lots more but you have to work this out yourself, okay?” Viper got up, leg braces clicking, and pushed Joe of the room. “Come talk to me when you’re not moping around about a dead man.”

“Wait! One more question!” Viper paused and glared at Joe. “Who is the new alter?”

“…One formed to deal with guilt, now shut the hell up.” He slammed the door in Joe’s face, making Cub jump.

“What did you do?” The hermit asked, walking up beside Joe with a concerned look.

“I… I said some stupid things.” He sighed and turned to walk away. “I do not have many answers, nor the ones I was exactly looking for. Life is strange in an odd sense, I hope you know. Sometimes, you make a mistake and you suffer the consequences from it while, other times, you simply anger one person and realize that they care about you rather than simply wishing for you to leave. Yet, that person may hold many secrets that even the ones they wish to reveal may not come out in time. Life is often strange, as stated before, but we must accept that. Even ones who are new to it must accept that fairly quickly or they might not develop properly.”

“…Uh… You going to be alright?”

“…For once Cub, I am very much unsure of such a fact.” He walked away, leaving the hermit by himself.

* * *

_Joe never expected to open his eyes back to the dreamscape. He never expected to see Shy again. But, here he was, with Shy sitting next to him and eating some cake. “Sup?”_

_“Shy! I thought you said that you did not have much time!”_

_“Still don’t. But, Viper’s being a dick so ask him this. Ask him about that guy you killed by mistake.”_

_Joe froze. It had happened so long ago. When Viper staged an attack against the Council during a mentally bad state, Joe was fighting a few others before he accidentally managed to injure an innocent civilian trying to flee the scene. That civilian later passed due to those injuries._

_“I’d… rather not, Shy.” He sighed and backed away. “I killed someone who was only trying to escape the danger. They could be alive now. Just like you could have…”_

_“Shut the hell up!”_

Joe sat up in bed, blinking at the sun shining into his eyes. “Ouch…” His head pounded and every small noise made it worse. Despite this, he still took out his communicator and messaged the PyCrew.

 **> Joehillssays: **Viper? If I may be so kind as to request your presence sometime within the day? It is of utmost importance.

 **> PythonGB: **viper asleep

Joe blinked and tilted his head. That surely wasn’t any alter he knew. They all had distinct typing styles but this one was new. Perhaps it was the mystery alter?

 **> Joehillssays: **Ah, good morning, mystery alter. I never caught your name yesterday. Do you mind telling me?

 **> PythonGB: **tundra

 **> PythonGB: **im new and… not sure

 **> Joehillssays: **Not sure of what, if you don’t mind me asking.

 **> PythonGB: **talk to others. not speak

 **> PythonGB: **not like speak

 **> Joehillssays: **That is very much fine. May I come over? I wish to at least get to know you before Viper fronts again.

 **> PythonGB: **no hurt?

 **> Joehillssays: **I mean no one any harm, young Tundra.

 **> PythonGB: **come

Joe only smiled and put away his communicator, standing up. His head pounded harder so he sat down quickly; god, migraines weren’t fun, that much was for sure. Still. This new alter- Tundra- seemed a bit distressed and he’d be damned if he let this pure soul be alone!

* * *

“So, that sign you gave me yesterday, it was your name?” Tundra nodded at Joe. “Alright, you have a unique way of signing but that is fine. I could decipher it. But, may I speak to Viper again?” Tundra shook their head; Joe had yet to know their gender and he did not wish to misgender an alter who couldn’t speak.

They grabbed the book and quill Joe had given them and wrote in it, showing it to the other hermit. “he said he want you handle some of guilt by self.” Joe sighed and closed his eyes. Of course Viper had to make this difficult. When did he ever make things easy?

“Right. Well, do I need to get someone? I am unsure if you are fully able to be on your own, unfortunately.”

Tundra shook their head and sighed, making a few gestures before blinking and writing. “can be alone.” Joe hesitated before sitting down. “why stay?”

“I assure you that I have no desire to leave you alone when you have little to no idea of our world and how it functions. Why don’t we learn about each other more?” A cold shiver ran down Joe’s spine suddenly. He looked up and spotted Shy sitting beside Tundra, legs crossed and sucking on a lollipop. “…Shy?”

Shy only waved and mouthed ‘innocent’ before fading. “…I apologize for that, let us just… get to work.” Joe made a mental note to visit the civilian’s widow and talk to her to hopefully ease some of his guilt over the accidental death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been really out of it and unsure of my writing so, please, comment and tell me how I did because I have no idea what or how I'm doing


	4. Chapter 4

Joe lazily checked his messages as he woke up for another day. Today was a different day, however. Joe woke up to the PyCrew asleep on his chest; the robotic parts of them always made them a bit heavier than normal for their size but Joe didn’t mind. Tundra had been fronting when they fell asleep and Joe had no intentions of personally moving her.

The messages everyone gave each other served nothing to pique Joe’s interest. His server mates were carrying on like normal, unaware of the brand new alter asleep right on him. He did send a message out, however, for Scar or Cub to come watch Tundra while he went off to complete his personal task. Now it was just a waiting game.

“Joe?” Cub came in after a soft knock, smiling softly at the hermit. “Oh, that’s cute. Is that the new alter?”

“Yes. Her name is Tundra, she identifies as female though she feels as if she was once male, she is about 12-13, and she is nonverbal. She is my new daughter.” Cub chuckled and walked over to Joe, gently picking Tundra from him.

“What were those odd gestures Tundra was making?” Tundra curled up in Cub’s arms with a soft yawn, burying her face into his chest. “I couldn’t make heads or tails of them.”

“They are her signs.” He sat up and stretched, grabbing his Council device from the nightstand. “Thank you for coming to grab her, Cub. I assure you that I will be back soon.”

“Take your time. We’ll still be here.” Joe nodded and opened a portal, walking through. He came out to the front of an apartment complex. Sighing and steeling his nerves, he walked inside and walked up two flights of stairs to reach an apartment labeled “349.” He gulped. He knocked.

“Coming! Hold on a minute!” A woman called from inside the apartment. A child was heard calling after the woman. “Hold on a moment, dear.” She opened the door. She had dark hair, pale skin, and yellowish eyes. “Oh… Uhm… Joe? What are you doing here?”

“I… I have been doing some heavy thinking, Ms Wilson, and I wanted to give another apology for the death of your husband. I understand that I left you without part of your family and that has impacted you heavily.”

“Joe, how many times do I need to tell you that it’ll be fine? It was an accident, hun.” Joe mutely nodded. Every time he did this, he still felt guilty. “Listen. Do you want to carry on his legacy?” He nodded. “Then simply help someone out. I know you do that but my dear loved to help others. Find one person to focus on and help out.”

“…And… That’ll… That’ll- “

“If you do that, it’ll make up for the death. You already have but this may help you. Just… Do something to impact someone's life because…. Well… That’s the Joe Hills difference, hm?” She chuckled, making Joe smile.

“I think I know who to help out, miss. Thank you.” He held out a hand and gently grabbed hers, shaking it. “I… I think maybe helping this person could help with how I’m feeling.”

“Sometimes, we neglect ourselves. If that person isn’t in danger, then focus on yourself first, hun.” Joe nodded and walked away, a new pep in his step.

* * *

“What the hell do you want?” Viper raised his eyebrow and stared at Joe. “Yeah, yeah. Before you say anything, I’m fronting again. That new kid isn’t exactly meant to be out more. Strange girl.” He sat back in his wheelchair, eyeing the pool they were next to, which Keralis had built for the hermits.

Joe chuckled softly and shrugged. “Uhm. Viper, do you feel guilty?”

“Over?” He glared at Joe.

“Shy. You… You mentioned that Tundra was formed because of guilt. Do you feel any guilt over him?” Viper’s expression told Joe everything he had to know. “You do.” Viper glared harder at Joe, replacing the sorrowful expression that had been there mere moments before.

“So, what if I am? Not like it fucking matters…” He hissed as he spoke, climbing from his wheelchair and jumping into the pool, leg braces clicking as he moved. How he got accustomed to that sound was Joe’s best guess but to each their own.

“I think it does. I think we are both feeling some guilt.” Joe sat at the edge of the pool and dipped his feet in after removing his shoes. “Viper, would you like to talk this over with someone who understands how you can feel?”

“Ugh, I went through this bullshit once. I don’t need it again. I thought Shy helped me feel all of these damned emotions already!” He threw his hands up but fell under the water, so he quickly paddled back up. “Dammit. These braces don’t help with swimming.”

“Do you know how to express them in a healthy manner, Viper?” Once more, Viper’s expression was all Joe needed. “I can help, if you so desire.”

“…Why do I have the feeling you won’t give up until I do it?”

“Giving up on one I could help surely isn’t the Joe Hills difference.” Joe smiled before yelling when Viper pulled him into the pool, glasses flying off and hitting the bottom of the body of water. “I cannot see without my glasses, Viper!”

“Good. You’re dependent on me right now and can’t escape. Now, if you can help me… urgh, _communicate_ , I’ll tell you more about Shy and that cryptic fuck’s messages to me. We have a deal?”

“…. If it so helps you- AUGH” Viper dunked him and pushed him away. Joe came back up coughing and sputtering. “O-okay, yes. No beating around the bush or long, drawn out rambles from me. We have a deal, Viper. Now, may you be so kind as to grab my glasses?” Viper nodded and dunked Joe one last time before diving down.

“Oh goodness, Joe Hills. What did you just get yourself into?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired and not quite all there but... Take this chapter.   
> This story honestly does not have further to go. Then, we'll move on to the next part.

“So, I guess Shy needs a part of certain people in order to be able to come back? Like, he needed a part from each of the PyCrew and now he’s looking to get the part he needs from you.” Joe blinked at Viper as the alter spoke between bites of his cooked beef. “I don’t know what that is, honestly. I’m not the smartest man in the world. Far from, actually.” He chuckled.

“Well, I suppose that will be one thing we must figure out. Together.” Joe noticed Viper glance beside him before rolling his eye. “What is the matter?”

“Shy’s making some stupid joke.”

“He’s near me?”

“Yeah. Right next to you, eating some cookies and being annoying.” He paused. “Shut the hell up, Shy!” He groaned. “He wants me to apologize for dunking you in the pool. Said you could have gotten hurt. Maybe you would have decided to try to be a fish and breathe water?”

Joe smiled. “I assure, Viper. I am fine and there is no need to apologize. I do, however, accept it because you at least seem to be somewhat aware of the possible danger you could have put me in, even if Shy had to help point it out.”

“Ugh, even after all these years of me being a dick, causing a literal terrorist attack, you hiding me and the rest of the PyCrew, and the shit show that are my emotions, you’re still nice to me. How long have you known me again?”

“Since before Python was my apprentice. So, at least 10 years, Viper.” He smiled and pulled the blanket further over him. Viper had lent him what he had called a night gown- in actuality, a very nice dress- while his clothes dried then gave him a blanket to warm him up from the cool water. “Now, what exactly do you know about these parts Shy needs?”

“Don’t know, exactly. Mine was the ability to feel emotions. Not that he’s taking these parts, but these parts must be complete for him to be able to gain the energy needed or something?” Viper shrugged before gripping his head. “Ouuuuch.”

“Headache?” Joe stood up and adjusted the dress, which fell off his shoulders slightly. “Do you need me to get you some medication?”

“N-no. I just always get a headache when the kid’s trying to front. Don’t know what her issue is.” He groaned and rubbed his forehead. “It n-never happened with the other a-alters, that’s for sure.” He groaned once more. “She’s trying to g-get me to do som-something…”

“Admit you wear a dress?” Joe chuckled and Viper’s face grew bright red. “Okay, okay. Nightgown.”

“DAMN RIGHT IT’S A NIGHTGOWN.” Viper pulled a blanket over himself and whimpered, gripping his head. “D-damn kid. Okay, okay! It’s a dress! It makes me feel nice!” He pulled the blanket further over himself.

“There is nothing wrong about that. Thank you for communicating that to me.” Viper clearly seemed shocked before it appeared that his head eased off. “It seems that Tundra wishes for you to speak more about how you feel rather than actually just feeling it.”

“…I hate her already.” Viper covered himself up with the blanket up completely, leaving Joe to chuckle.

“Viper, perhaps the part Shy needs from me is heavily related to you. I have to admit that… I’ve lost my touch since he passed. I have been struggling with my own guilt. After all… I have replayed the scene multiple times in my head and I can count at least 3 ways I could have saved him.”

“Okay, okay. Get to the point. Don’t need another long story.” Viper rolled his eye and leaned back, uncovering himself a bit.

“Well, what I was trying to say is that perhaps your… blunt nature could help me move past my guilt. Past the overthinking I am prone to.”

“Basically, you want me to be a dick to you to stop you from feeling bad over Shy dying?”

“Yes. To put it as bluntly as you did, yes.” Joe smiled. “You are still developing, Viper. We could use each other to help each other reach new parts of ourselves and allow ourselves to express our guilt and other emotions in a way that will not harm us.”

“…Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up. First thing is, you ramble too damn much. Want to stop over thinking? Stop rambling as much for now. Second thing is, a good fight does wonders. Kicking someone’s ass is fun as hell!”

“…Viper, you know that, while friendly PvP is quite an experience I enjoy, I cannot ‘kick someone’s ass’ as you put it. It isn’t right.”

Viper groaned. “One of these days, I’m going to kick your ass.” He stood up and adjusted his clothes. “I’m going to get more food.” He stopped when Joe gently grabbed his arm. “What?”

“…Viper, I think maybe your way is better than mine when it comes to coping with guilt. As long as we are communicating, perhaps you could help me be a little more… forward?”

“You want me- the asshole who is a mentally unstable mess- to teach you to be a dick?”

“Not quite so, but perhaps if I were more forward with my way of thinking, I could handle my own negative feelings better instead of shoveling them away?”

Viper blinked a few times and stared down at Joe. “…alright. I’ll teach you. One on condition.”

“Anything.”

“…I have a few more… erm… ‘night gowns’ hidden away. Do you think…you could help me be a bit more comfortable with them? If I don’t do it, Tundra is going to give me another damn headache.” Joe chuckled at Viper and nodded, making Viper smile and walk to a hidden chest. “Now, you have to tell me if this actually fucking looks good on me.”

* * *

Joe yawned and stretched, opening his eyes slowly. It had only been two weeks since his talk with Viper and the alter had managed to debunk the ways Joe thought he could have saved Shy. Distracting Skoyae would have resulted in Joe passing. Fighting her would have caused both Shy and Joe to be killed. Taking Shy’s place would have caused just as much pain for others as it did for those already affected.

“Oh, good morning, Shy.” He closed his eyes again but snapped them open, grabbing his glasses and putting them on. Shy was sitting by his bed with a mouthful of cotton candy. “Shy! Can you not think of your stomach for once and tell me why you are here?!”

Shy swallowed. “Uh… Well, I’m still dead but, the more you move past me, the more time I have with you. Weird but Viper told me get you up and talk to you. Said he wants you.”

“Why would he want me this early?” Joe stretched and tilted his head, musing softly. “Has something occurred?”

“I think he just wants to talk?” Shy’s form faltered slightly, making him groan. “Dammit. Time’s up again. But, I don’t think I really need to guide you through this. You and Vi-man have this, right? By the way, he looked fucking amazing in that one dress. Get him one like that, ‘kay?”

Just like that, Shy was gone. Joe only blinked and sighed. “Oh, goodness. Once more, I question what I have gotten myself into…” He stood up and got changed, heading over to Viper’s. If the alter had sent Shy over, then it must be important.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: How does one write Joe?  
> Me: OH, RIGHT. JUST DISSIOCATE.

“Viper?” Joe poked his head into the room and only facepalmed upon seeing him laying in bed wrapped like a burrito in a pile of blankets. “Please don’t tell me you’re stu-“

“I’m stuck.” Viper squirmed about wildly before coughing loudly and curling up the best he could, wincing. “Dammit, Tundra! Stop giving me headaches! What do you even want now?!” He groaned.

“Is she still bothering your head? Perhaps something else is causing said headaches? I mean, I have no doubt that she is causing some but I also am concerned with how you seem to be reacting to them.”

“Can it. I’m tired of her and her bullshit. Why did she even form?” Viper coughed again but glared at Joe when the healer gave a worried look. Joe only sighed and helped unroll Viper, humming and being careful when Viper gasped or hissed in pain. “Be careful!”

Joe nodded and stepped back when his friend was freed from the blanket burrito he had somehow trapped himself in. “Is this what Shy felt was important enough to directly come to me about?” Viper tilted his head and scrunched up his face.

“You saw him? Aw, fuck. Figures he’d make you, of all people, come to save my sorry ass.” He stretched and Joe couldn’t help but to flinch when some of the alter’s joints popped loudly. Despite it being years since the Beast attack, the sounds of joints popping and twigs snapping still sent flashbacks through Joe’s mind. He had almost died then and he had left his apprentice to die as well.

Maybe he was just destined to have someone die because of him? After all, he had almost lost the PyCrew thanks to his own neglect a few times, had almost lost several coworkers, and… well, it seemed to end with Shy. The god was dead and Joe didn’t understand why Shy even wanted anything to do with him.

“Earth to fucker!” Joe turned his head towards Viper, who was snapping his fingers. “Did you even hear me or are you off in La-La land?”

“I apologize. I’m… not quite all there at the moment. I suppose you will be okay?”

“Sure, I guess. By the way, do you know where the hell I book my emotions log? Scar wants me to keep that up but, jesus, chill the hell out, Scar! People could read that shit! I haven’t written in that damned thing in about 3 months and Scar’s bugging me about it.”

Joe smiled. God, he had just been neglecting Viper, hadn’t he? But, he could fix that easily! He quickly grabbed some paper, leather, and a quill from his bag and crafted it into a book and quill before handing it to his friend. “Forget that silly old thing. If it ain’t helping you, then that’s just fine to not do it. We gotta think about what helps us and what makes up happy, y’know?”

“…Explain before my head hurts again in trying to understand your insane rambles, Mr Healer Man.” Joe had to force himself not to frown. Viper had been calling him that causally about as long as Shy had so… There was no need to get upset over a simple nickname.

“I’m saying that you should write about things you like rather than just emotions. Perhaps it could be a wonderful experience that not only expands your universe but the universe of those around you. Many would enjoy knowing more about you, Viper and that is perfectly fine because you are a unique induvial who has so much to offer and a life ahead of himself-“

“Alright, alright. Can it. I’m going to do it if you shut the hell up!” Viper opened the book and gave a playful glare at Joe, leaning back and writing. “Now, shoo! I’ll write in peace!”

“I wish you luck, Viper.” Joe walked out, fully aware of a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that wanted to make him go back and… do something. He didn’t know what that something was so he just walked away to leave Viper to his own endeavors.

* * *

“I had no idea you had an interest in gardening!” Joe flipped through the book, eyeing the varying styles of writing and art, though he paid special attention to Viper’s messy, jagged writing. Viper only shrugged in his bed, shivering. The PyCrew had developed a cold over the past week and it had been put upon Joe- by Joe himself- to nurse them back to health.

“Y-yeah..” Viper sniffled out before coughing. His robotics sparked slightly; that always worried Joe but Doc had said that such a thing was normal when someone got sick. The robotics were just working harder than usual. Despite the sensible explanation, Joe could not seem to shake that gut feeling that something was wrong. That he was overlooking something. “The whole PyCrew likes it.”

“What is your favorite flower?” Joe made a mental note of Viper’s stance, personality, and the such. He had a great memory so he often used that to keep track of his patients without wasting paper. “I personally like the lotus. It is such a wonderful looking plant and can actually mean rebirth or purity.”

“…I like snapdragons. Have you seen their petals? They look pretty damn cool and the colors are nice…. I guess.” Viper chuckled.

“Interesting thing about the snapdragon flower! When they die, the petals warp into human skull like shapes. Quite interesting to me, if you ask.”

“Pretty and morbid? Seems like something Birch would like.” Viper chuckled before coughing into his hand. “Ugh, I hate this COOOOOOOLD!”

“It’ll be fine, Viper. I assure you that I have checked over you multiple times and you seem to just have a minor cold.” He smiled and got up. “I’ll make sure to get you some warm tea, Vi.” Joe walked into another room before feeling a cold wind hit him and send shivers down his spine. “…Shy, if that is you…”

He turned and spotted Shy floating in place, clearly attempting to speak but having not enough energy to keep his form manifested for long. Joe could only sigh and wait for Shy to do something other than float. It was an awkward silence as Joe turned his attention to Viper’s tea, starting the process of making it. “Why are you here, Shy?”

“Neglecting…” Joe tensed upon hearing the word. What was he neglecting? Nothing, that was for sure! He covered every detail he could in his daily life due to how his mind worked in its simplest form. “Neglect…”

“Hush. I’m not neglecting anyone or anything but myself, and I am fine with that.” He walked past Shy and into Viper’s room, coughing as soon as he smelt burnt flesh. Joe rushed over to a now collapsed Viper and noticed that his robotics had seared some flesh around the areas where skin met metal. “That… is not meant to happen, is it?”

“Just get Doc.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda... off chapter but i stg I am done with Killer Guilt. I've kinda grown to dislike it so I did the right thing and ended it before it could become something I despised. There will be more Secrets stuff, of course, but I'm glad Killer Guilt is done.

“Well, it sems like his robotics just worked a bit too hard and overheat. Have you been wrapping him in blankets?” Doc gently poured some ice into Viper’s ice bath; his fever had gotten a bit too high for comfort.

“He has been wrapping himself. I did try to remove them but…” Joe idly covered the wound on his shoulder from the recent bite. “He… resisted so I’ve been putting ice in them to keep him cool.” Doc nodded in approval before jumping in place when Viper coughed loudly. “That cough has yet to go away. Thought it has only been a week and half since he got sick. I have been giving him medication and-“

“Joe, have you been trying to care for him yourself?” Doc cocked an eyebrow, making Joe’s face heat up in embarrassment. “Oh my god. No one else watching or getting a second opinion? Joe, you of all people should know the importance of breaks and personal health!” Doc stood up and set his hands on his hips. “When Bdubs told me that I had to be careful around Healers when someone else got sick, I was confused but now I think I understand why. You guys lose any and all sense of taking care of yourselves! You need breaks…”

Viper coughed again and gripped himself as he coughed what sounded like mucus up. “Do not worry. That is mere mucus. I have checked on it before.” Joe smiled when Doc kneeled down next to the alter, scrunching up his nose. “Is something the matter?”

“Have you checked on him today?” He wiped Viper’s mouth and held up his hand to show a mostly blood-with-some-mucus mix. Suddenly, Shy’s ominous words made sense. He _hadn’t_ checked on Viper today. He had just assumed a quick, unofficial check up would suffice.

“O-oh god. I… I…” He had neglect his friend. It was Python’s cries for help all over again. His coworkers almost dying at his own stupidity. It was… It was Shy’s death once more- things happening so quickly he couldn’t do anything but still feeling like it was all of his fault.

“We can fix him. I just… worry that this could mean his robotics are failing.” Doc stood up from his crouched position. “Let me get my supplies from the other room and we can get to work.”

“Grab the medication from my chest on the far left lower wall, if you don’t mind? Some antibiotics might help.” Doc nodded and, as soon as he was gone, Joe felt anger bubble in his chest. “Shy. Where the _hell_ are you?”

Shy manifested above Viper’s ice bath, clearly struggling to speak. “…Help?”

“N-no. You’ve _helped_ enough. In fact, you haven’t helped at all! All you do is be cryptic and manifest when you don’t even have the energy, robbing me of valuable information regarding Viper!” Wow, had he really been holding onto that anger? He hadn’t even realized it until now. “Now, tell me how to fix Viper right now.”

Shy blinked and looked around before finding a pad of paper with a pen in case Tundra fronted. He touched the paper and words appeared on the page after a small flash of light. Joe walked over and read it. “You guys can’t fix him. A glitch in his coding is killing him and the admin is the only one who can do it. Well, the admin or me. But I don’t have the energy.”

“I don’t know where Xisuma is but I think he is caring for Emerald right now. So, you’re fixing Viper.” Another small flash and the words were replaced by new ones.

“I don’t have the energy, Joe. Something’s not right with the server and I’ve been caring for another presence recently.”

“Another presence? What do you mean?”

“Some guy who knew Grian. Said his name was Tinnitus or something? God, I suck at names. But, you’ll have to get me energy somehow.”

Joe blinked and looked to Viper as the alter coughed up more blood, robotics sparking dangerously close to the water. “…Take mine.”

“No. If I do that, the glitch could travel to you and kill you.”

“Like hell I’m going to neglect Viper and the rest of the PyCrew! Now, take my energy or I will do so myself, and mostly likely mess up and hurt both of us! I’d much rather go than to lose another friend! Especially one who has contributed so much to the server with his alters!” Joe slammed his hand down on the paper. “ _Now.”_

Shy blinked before nodding, floating over to Joe and placing an ice cold hand on his forehead. As soon as he did so, he began to feel dizzy and weak, struggling to stay up. Shy held him with another hand and Joe felt as if his cold grip was draining all warmth from his body. Distantly, he could hear Doc coming in.

“I got the medi- what the hell…?” Joe hit the ground and closed his eyes, sighing as he accepted his fate. Maybe it would be better if he wasn’t here…

* * *

“…papa?” Was that Python’s voice? No, that was too soft to be Python fronting. “Wake up, papa.” Joe opened his eyes and spotted himself in the blue landscape once more. Before him sat a young boy with dark hair, purple hued eyes, and pale skin. He held a few scars along his arms but not many. The boy wore a frilly dress with a bow in his hair and it hit him.

“Tundra? I… I thought you were formed as a girl and just felt like a tomboy. Are you…?”

“Yes, papa. I formed as a boy but I feel like a girl. I’ve been around for at least a year, papa.” Tundra sighed, all of that speaking clearly taking a major toll on her. Yet, she persisted. “Shy said you’re hurting. Shy said you’re struggling.”

“So, I’m not dead yet?” Tundra shook her head and signed that Joe was barely clinging to life. “Okay, so I’m alive. Can’t say I’m happy. Is the PyCrew is okay?” Tundra nodded. “Good. I’ll die if it means they’re fine. If you and the rest of them are fine.”

Tundra signed something about Viper, though Joe didn’t recognize some of the gestures. She seemed to realize this and tapped the ground, a screen rising up from it and turning to Joe. Tundra typed something into the back and it popped up on the screen. “Viper is tired and doesn’t want to front anymore. Viper said he wants to go dormant so you might not see him for a while.”

“Understandable. He’s… been through a lot.” Joe unsteadily stood up and struggled to keep his balance on the soft, squishy ground. Shy suddenly spoke from behind Joe, making him scream.

“Yo, what’s up?”

“Shy!” Shy floated to Tundra and stood beside her as she stood up herself. “Well, not the exact thing I was hoping to happen but… You completed the part I needed!”

“Part you needed?” Joe stumbled a bit but Shy caught him. “What do you mean?”

“Yeah. I can’t fully tell which parts I need but I think yours was communicating or being blunt or being more straight forward with how you communicated? Uh… One of those things. But, yay!” Shy clapped and brought up two small orbs.

One orb held a spruce tree while the other held a paper with some writing on it. Each of the symbols pulsed with energy. “You even took time out of your day to help Tundra! She’s a lot more confident now and… uh, in case you can’t tell, sees you as her dad now.”

“Papa is good,” Tundra softly muttered out. Shy smiled at her before hugging Joe.

“Great! Now, all I need is Grian and Xisuma and I can come back! …I think. …Hopefully.” Shy shrugged and laughed, leaving Joe to shake his head.

“Oh, Shy. I sometimes think all of your brain cells are being used to think of food.” Shy acted offended and cackled. “I assume you brought us both here to tell us you’re closer to coming back?” Shy nodded and did a twirl in the air, his long, robe like shirt fluttering out.

“Now, I can’t stay long. That Tortoise guy kinda wants to know more about how I came to this world.”

“I have a feeling you’ll never get his name right.” Joe bluntly pointed out.

“Hey! Tropolone is cool with it!” Shy laughed and hugged Joe again. “Either way, it’s time to wake up.” He pat Joe’s head and Joe sat up in bed, coughing at his entire body hurting. He looked around and noticed the PyCrew sleeping nearby. Who would be fronting when they woke up?

Cleo walked into the room and gasped, dropping the clean blankets she was holding. “Joe! You’re alive!” She hugged her friend, making him groan loudly in pain. “Oh, uh… sorry. Doc said he found you passing out and he swore he saw Shy! I think maybe he was just seeing things in his panic and-“

“He wasn’t seeing things.” Cleo stopped hugging Joe and opened her mouth to most likely ask questions but Joe spoke before she could. “I have a story to tell you, Cleo. And I know how to bring Shy back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tundra is softest girl and I love my trans daughter. Also, I'm not if it's obvious who Trombone is but i tried. I wanna see if y'all can guess it :D


End file.
